Bri Colorful

Fire, Flood, and Pestilence

Posted on: August 22, 2010

I am sorry for not being more consistent in my posting. I hope to redeem myself. I have been keeping regular journal entries throughout the summer and will share them with you so you know my experiences from this summer. There are a few below to catch you up.

This summer I did a lot of self-therapy. I was struggling with my self-esteem, because someone told me that my worth was dependent on how I look and that I did not look how I should. Those I have shared my experiences with thankfully have not pitied me, but instead extended assurances of their love. I don’t want pity. I only share my experiences in hope that I can comfort someone who might be feeling the same.

Amazing women, who had no idea what I was struggling with, reached out to me in love this summer. I attended a Young Woman’s camp  for girls ages 12-18 in Washington (my home state). I went as an interpreter. As I relished in the beauty of rain-soaked, gray skyed, green covered Washington, I was overwhelmed by the love I felt from women who once helped to raise me. They reminded me that my worth does not change. They reminded me that beauty is vain, favor is deceitful, and virtue is what is truly of value (a value more precious than rubies).

Those girls were my example in every way. The first day of camp, most of the camp supplies went up in flames on their way to camp in the Uhaul. These women pulled it together and bought or borrowed new supplies; the girls shared and showed sweet compassion to those who lost things in the fire. The second day of camp we had a flash flood — no joke. Again I watched girls serve: digging trenches around other’s tents in the rain and sharing dry clothes with those who were soaked to the bone while we all crowded together in the cramped lodge and sang hymns. I felt loved and received service at many hands. It was a beautiful experience. The rest of camp we were able to laugh at our tests in morale, even when the swarm of bugs descended and a set upon us so that I had bites everywhere, including my scalp.

Afterward, the sweet girl I interpreted for sent me a card and gift in the mail. The last line in her note was this: “You are the best person in the world ever!” I don’t know that I quite qualify for that statement, but I am grateful for the reminder that my worth does not depend on outward circumstances and I am loved for the good I do, not how I look.

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8 Responses to "Fire, Flood, and Pestilence"

Well a summer worth of experience is worth that lifelong lesson! It is a lesson you will teach others over and over as well – especially, and most importantly, to your own daughters, nieces, and granddaughters. It’s the old Moroni test: good or bad – what’s the source? If it leads us to love the Savior, it’s from Him. It’s that simple. And feeling our true worth leads us to love the Savior – comprehending real value is ALWAYS from Him, while the persistent efforts of the world to make us doubt and focus on the external is ALWAYS from he-who-will-not-be-named. You’ve been blessed with help from other women who have had to learn the lesson themselves and the Lord has blessed you with the gift of discernment. I don’t know if you remember the Musing: “Whose Body Is It Anyway” but it was on this topic…http://monasgospelmusings.blogspot.com/2009/01/whose-body-is-it-anyway.html I LOVE GORGEOUS YOU!

Re-reading that post was part of my self-therapy this summer! 🙂

You’re right … it’s all about the source of the information. We must be very careful what sources we hearken to or let into our lives.

After my recent move, I put up a new gratitude door. And one of the first things I wrote on it was a quote from you in something you wrote: “I am of great worth.” I have spent this summer already inspired by your emphasis on true worth, and it has affected me greatly. So there is at least one life that you are still touching with your message(s)!

Thank you.

I am incredibly honored. And i like your idea of a gratitude door. Do you put up things you are grateful for, or only quotes? I remember seeing post-it notes all over a young mother’s house when I was a teenager. On them were written favorite scriptures, quotes, or reminders. I loved her idea so much that I’ve been copying it ever since. I’m afraid it’s gotten a little out of hand at my house though. There are post-it notes everywhere. LOL

Bri,

I am shocked that a person would say such a cruel and untrue thing to one of the most beautiful people I know! Wow. It really makes me angry just thinking about that.

I am glad that you are writing about your months of self-therapy because I am sure that you have plenty of insights to offer all of us (like every person I know) who struggles with some aspect of their self-worth.

I think that you are amazing. I am being 110% honest.

Thank you Amber. I think you are amazing. and what you do on and offline for the people who make up your life is incredibly beautiful.

You already know how amazing you are to me love. I am so grateful for those women and the experiences you were able to have to remind you of your FOOM 😉 you are the best sister and example a girl could ever ask for, I’m so happy that you’re mine!

I would like to tell you how inspired I was by the testimony you bore, and the strength it brought me. You know of course that this subject is one of my …more challenging trials. It is wonderful to be reminded where true beauty comes from. It’s funny how much corporeal beauty fades away and becomes invisible with someone whose spirit shines so brilliantly with the confidence of a daughter of God. There truly is nothing more beautiful. The “beauty” of the world simply cannot matter or appeal in its presence. Thanks for helping to keep me in line Sis! ❤

I feel the same way about you dear. It’s tough being the older sister of an angel 🙂

I love what you said about physical beauty fading away behind the brilliance of confidence and truth. I remember once looking around at a girl’s camp and thinking how beautiful everyone looked: without makeup, without blow-dried and straightened hair, with dirty clothes and hands… despite the lack of all the things that “beauty” consisted of, the light shining from each woman’s eyes was more beautiful, more radiant than anything I had ever seen.

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