Bri Colorful

Can I be a cupcake without the frosting?

Posted on: February 15, 2011

Warning: Ooey-gooey wonderfulness contained in this post. If you have a problem with mush, don’t read it. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

I confessed to a friend last night about being worried that I was misrepresenting myself somehow on my blog. I don’t think of myself as fitting the cupcake and glitz genre of some Mormon blogs, but if you find my style a little too “frilly apron” for you, you don’t have to read. What I was truly worried about was the happily-ever-after stereotype. I’ve read countless parodies on the “Mormon housewife and her perfect husband post” and my friend bluntly, but kindly, pointed out that I may actually fit the stereotype. Here’s the thing though … much as some readers might enjoy it, I won’t be posting about the tit-tats my husband and I get into over the toothpaste or toilet seat, and I think it would be rather foolish to keep a record of our misunderstandings. Don’t get me wrong here… we’re not perfect. We still have disagreements, but I feel like those moments, along with many others, are too personal to share.

When I met Grant, I was pretty sure I met the world’s most perfect guy. I don’t say it casually. I was really convinced, more so every day. I could list out his numberless positive qualities. I have several journal entries full of lists about him from when I was a star-struck 19-year-old, watching his every move. I consciously looked for imperfection, before I allowed myself to fall for him. The pursuit was hopeless. He was far too good for me. It’s the theme of almost every journal entry for months. I don’t write this hoping that you will fill the comments with affirmations of my own fitness for him. I knew I wasn’t good enough. But I kept hoping. And then he did something that made him even more perfect in my eyes. He asked me out. He liked me too. I filled my prayers to overflowing with gratitude that I could even have such a friend.

He has remained my greatest friend for three years now, through all the faith-building, heart-strengthening muck as well as “the good times.” ‎We, neither of us, is anywhere near perfect. I can admit that now that I am no longer 19. 🙂 But Grant is perfect for me. He’s getting better at surprising me on holidays like this most recent Valentine’s day. I’m afraid he’ll never be one of those people who throws a surprise party or spends the whole day taking you from place to place on a brilliantly-planned scavenger hunt … but then again, netheir am I. Instead, he does things like bring me breakfast in bed every morning during the first trimester, when I was too sick to move until I got 6 or 7 bites of something (usually crackers) digested. He tucks me in every night. truly. He loves making me laugh, and he is really good at it. He makes me feel safe, because believe me, I have some of the most ridiculous nightmares imaginable. He thinks every little thing I do has value and he cheer-leads me every step of the way. He does all these little things daily to show me how much I am loved.

We’re both getting better at being together; at loving unconditionally and speaking one another’s language. An article I recently read quoted Martin Luther as writing, “Marriage is the school of love.” The author, Eugene England, further commented that “marriage is not the home or the result of love so much as the school.” Grant and I have been in school in more ways than one. We still have a lot to learn; maybe I’ll have to relearn some things over and over. But as long as we get to take the test together, I’m in.

So there it is, an overly open blog post. My life isn’t “so perfect”, but it’s not back-ordered either. I don’t do a ton of crafts … honestly, I’m not very artsy. I like to crochet. Sometimes I microwave dinner. Sometimes I leave the dishes in the sink overnight. I am a B average student. I’m still trying to grow out of throwing the occasional teenage crying fit. I almost never wear nylons (I hate them). I tend to over-prepare for things (when I can find the time to). I go to church, I say my prayers, and I love my husband and family like crazy (even when they make me crazy). I am very excited to become a mom, despite thorough warnings about what I am getting myself in to.

I hope I dispelled some stereotypes for you, but it doesn’t really matter. The important part is I was 100% open.

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4 Responses to "Can I be a cupcake without the frosting?"

Very well said–all of it. I don’t think your blog was stereotypical. I have observed many marriages to know that they are all works in progress, schools of love. (I like that!) But I prefer to read the happy moments and joyful lessons of others and am very grateful you don’t put in the other stuff. You are right that they are personal, and who needs to record that anyhow? You experienced it, learned from it, and are better for it. Moving on. No need to lay it all out. I, for one, love your blog! Just as it is and just as you are. Very uplifting and inspiring for me.

I LOVED what you said about the disagreements being too personal to share. I never got the feeling from your blog that you’ve been trying to “hide” some part of your relationship so we only see the good side. Anyone who knows you and Grant must know you’re both amazing people who focus on the good things. What better thing to focus on? To tell you the truth (and don’t tell anyone I think this), it actually annoys me when people have “tell-all” blogs where they post all sorts of spats, usually making their spouse look like the bad guy. I just gave a talk on marriage this Sunday and there were several things that stuck out from the many (many) talks I read. Be unselfish, work hard, make marriage your number one priority next to your relationship with God and don’t make your spouse look bad in front of others. I love that you are a good example of these things. No problem that your marriage isn’t “perfect” yet. You are striving to make it better by doing the “right” things. I admire you so much! And your blog pretty much sums up my feelings for Morgan. He may not be perfect (although I think he’s pretty darn close), but he IS perfect for me.

I just think you’re wonderful.

Thank you for writing this.

I learned at an early age from observation of others that dirty laundry should not be aired in public. Glad you haven’t. Remind me to tell you a story about marriage comments shared by a thoughtless husband in church meetings and the sad consequences.

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