Bri Colorful

My Husband

Posted on: May 29, 2011

After a long, frank discussion with another couple today about marriage, I feel like I cannot hold back this post. I have made a study of my husband, since I first met and admired him during the Christmas holiday of 2007. My journal entries when he befriended me early in 2008 are full of his praise and wonder that someone so special would show me special attention. At first, I thought his kindness to me was a natural part of his charity. Truly. He continued to show more and more admiration for me, and all I could feel was gratitude that someone I held in such high regard could love me like he did.

One of our first dates - hiking Multinoma Falls

I remember our first marital disagreements. We do not always agree on everything, though I believe we took great pains to make sure we agreed about “the big things” before we decided to marry. I was heartbroken in those first months that we should disagree about anything, though now I recognize that those differences in personality and opinion that make us individuals contribute greatly to making one another better. I remember my first reaction in those moments of frustration was to try to write down, through tears pouring down my cheeks, all the things I loved and admired about him, as a reminder to myself — call it my first attempts at self-therapy.

As we spoke with this couple today, I was trying so hard to pinpoint in my head or my heart, what it was that keeps my husband and I united, even in times of trial and frustration, and through marvelous “intellectual debates.” There are so many “little things”:

  • Frequent individual and couple prayer – I must list this first though I must qualify it as sincere. It is easy to go through the motions, but then such prayer looses its efficaciousness in our lives. Our hearts must be truly one as we pray. One of the things that softens my heart the most is to hear my husband pray fervently and sweetly for me and my special needs. We have made a special agreement that when one of us is offended by the other, we should be open and frank with both one another and the Lord. If we feel a sense of discord in our home, difficult as this is, we have agreed to humble ourselves and kneel together before, during, and after we “work it out”. I’ve found it’s pretty difficult to argue when you include your Creator. 🙂
  • Daily individual and couple gospel study – I believe we’ve both gained a lot of respect for each other as we’ve opened up the scriptures together and discussed our personal testimonies about them on a daily basis.
  • Other “righteous traditions” – ie. family home evening, sabbath day worship, etc
  • Weekly dates– Friday night is sacred. It just is. If for some reason we can’t get our date in Friday night, we always find some time during the week to do something fun together.

    "Laugh hard and cry hard at least once every day" - advice from a wise marital sage we know 😉

  • A friendly foundation – Grant and I tried to establish a foundation of friendship before moving on to a more serious relationship. We took our time (well, by Provo standards anyways) getting to the “I love you” and holding hands stages. We wanted to make sure we could be best friends without the romance. Even now we share interest in each other’s hobbies and love being playful and joking together.
  • Division of labor – not gonna lie. This was a big one at the beginning of our marriage. We had to discover how we would divide housework and such. Both of us have worked and attended school for our entire marriage so far, so placing the burden solely on any one person, as I might have assumed was “right” when I married at 20, was not an option for us. Because we had to work this out early in marriage, we’ve become a lot better at supporting one another in other areas, not just laundry and dishes. Working together is also one more way to spend special time with each other.
  • Forgiveness 
  • Encouragement
  • Reminders of affection
  • Serving one another
  • And so so much more.

But there are three very big things that glue us together solidly, I think.

1. Deep love – built on so many good memories and so many small, loving actions.

2. Trust – for me, trust in his love for me and for the Lord and trust in those first promptings I received while we were dating about the greatness of his character.

3. Respect 

It is this final aspect of our relationship that I am pondering on so deeply today. My husband doesn’t always do things the way I do (the right way, of course). But I have learned that I need to respect that his way of accomplishing a task is just as valid as my own (so maybe my way isn’t the only right way, I concede). This is so essential to our happiness.

Grant

The things I first admired in him when I was a love-struck 19 year-old have not changed; in fact, those traits have developed even more fully into aspects of his character that I appreciate so much. These wide over-arching characteristics of my husband are what make him an admirable person in my eyes and why I fell for him in the first place. I remember the lightning-like impression that struck me one day that I had married a “noble son of God”. I had been given stewardship to care for, grow with, and walk side-by-side a humble, dedicated servant of the Lord, and I had a sacred responsibility to him that no one else in the world does. No one else can or should be his best friend like I can and must. No one can perform my supportive, encouraging role. And no one else supports and loves me in the same special capacity as he does. We are necessary to each other now.

My marriage is not something that just sustains itself. It takes work. It takes patience. It takes forgiveness. It takes faith. It takes prayer. It takes repentance.  It takes compassion.  It requires fun. It deserves respect. It feeds on love.

August 26, 2008 - Our Wedding Day

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5 Responses to "My Husband"

What a beautiful post. Thank you for the honesty, sincerity, and inspiration of it. This post means a lot to me.

Bri Colorful: I am reading a book now that I would call a MUST READ for every believer in marriage and in God. It’s called “The Mystery of Marriage” and here’s a sample quote: “Marriage is, before anything else,a n act of contemplation. It is a divine pondering, an exercise in amazement. This is evident from the very start, form the moment a man and a woman first lay eyes on one another and realize they are in love. The whole thing begins with a wondrous LOOKING, a helpless staring, an irresistible compulsion simply to behold. For suddenly there is so much to see!” The author, Mike Mason, writes about marriage more profoundly than any other author I’ve read (and that’s a lot of books). This is truly amazing because he was only married TWO YEARS when he penned “The Mystery of Marriage”. I am reminded that your marriage is still in its youth as well, and yet you have such profound insights, the most important I think, being the absolute necessity of RESPECT. Let me recommend one other author: Dr. Emerson Eggerichs gives more practical rock-bottom life-changing counsel (based on scripture) than any other author I’m aware of in “Love and Respect”. (I’m thinking you’ll have to write your own book someday!)

Bri, thank you for sharing the wisdom you’ve gained from your married life. It’s wonderful to see how far you and your husband have come in the process of developing a celestial marriage. It’s all great advice.

Very sweet, Bri. Common respect is the key around here.

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